There was a time last summer when I felt full and free. I was full of life and there was a tiny bit of self-love. I felt free because despite my fears of change, I knew that I needed to accept the fact that change is inevitable.
But when the leaves turned and we had the abnormally warm winter, I felt lost. I couldn't find my footing. It was off. I was off. That seed of self-love from the summer was buried too deep and I couldn't grasp it. It was being around my friends that helped. Their logic and love helped - angry birds, charades, late night pms wranglers, and endless laughing - even my loud laugh - they accepted it. Their acceptance helped me find my own again.
Last night I felt that peace from last summer, it happened when I emptied my purse on my bed and had to scrape the sand that fell onto my sheets onto the floor. Stepping on those tiny grains, I could only think of how grateful I was. The garden of my life is in full bloom. Friendships are like flowers, capable of growing, but only with nurturing and care.
I believe in appreciation and loving each moment as-it-happens. It's why I try so hard. It's what makes me teary-eyed at sushi when thanking friends for an amazing weekend. It's what makes me blurt out my love for moments (although, I realize the frequency of these words that can seem insincere, but I promise they aren't).
I remember a lot from five years ago, but I know I've lost a lot too. I'll remember a lot in five years from now, but I know I'll forget more. I know that some of these people from this chapter won't continue to the next. I know I've already lost people from previous chapters. This makes me sad, but I'll do my best to accept it because that's all I can do and I know that it will come back around. I know that despite lost friendships, many more have blossomed. The garden will never stop growing, and right now I'm just so, so grateful.
**p.s. the sketch is from last night, after I finished cleaning the sand off my floor.