Being an artist.
Ahh, it's Friday and the sun has finally decided to come out! This makes me very happy, I'm just finishing up at work and getting ready to go home and do some art. I haven't had much time do anything personal, as work has been crazy busy! (not that people use their work day to do anything personal...ahem..clearing throat). I've spent the past three days looking at images and more images. I was going to write about all of the work craziness, but decided I didn't want to spend any more time thinking about it, so onto better things.
A few days ago, I had a really good conversation about art and what it means to "be an artist." For awhile I was stuck and not painting as much as I'd like. I had a lot of chats with people about what I wanted to do, but didn't actually do any art. I'd ask people what they thought of my work and how I could improve it. Before long, I had lists and lists of what people thought I could do. Don't get me wrong--I asked for this and many points were valid--but when a free moment came and I wanted to do some art, I couldn't do anything! I'd pick up a paint brush and just feel stuck. I started to feel that whatever I did (or was going to do) wasn't (wouldn't be) "good/pleasing enough" to different people. What one person likes, another person hates....and as one can imagine, it was very overwhelming.Truthfully, I've been feeling this way about my art for awhile, but haven't spent any time thinking about it. I've spent a lot of time working on my "worry knots" and letting go of negative emotions. My feelings of being stuck actually relate to all of this. Since I am a person that constantly wishes to please people, it's natural that I would want them to "appreciate my art," but worrying about what others thought made me lose site of why I did art in the first place. In all of these jumbled thoughts, I realized a few things.
1. I am an artist~ what this means to me, is expressing myself through color, photos, music, writing, doodling, or any other creative outlet. I am an emotional person and it feels good to release...whether it's in a pretty painting or just screaming into the air...I find that I'm a better person when I let it go, rather than keeping it in.
2. Pretty things make me happy~ even if they are boring to some people. Colorful swirls, butterflies, trees, GLITTER, and whatever else comes to my head. I like this. The best things come, when I just let it flow...seems to be a theme.."letting go, release, etc."
3. Time will always get the best of me~ I'm one person and can't make everything today. While I might only make one painting every couple of months, it's better than nothing. I'm also starting my career, singing in a choir, volunteering, and a bunch of other things. The time I can spend on art, should just be spent on creating, and not worrying about what everyone else will think of it.
I'm glad I figured these things out. I realize now that worry, fear, and wanting to please others take over me. It can affect me in all areas of my life: love, art, relationships, etc. These are my "worry knots." Sometimes they come out of nowhere, making my tummy ache. They are often caused by something completely imaginary or irrational, black and white thinking. Believe it or not, I recently did a painting about my "worry knots" and I'm pretty pleased with it. It's a piece where I allowed myself to just be and release everything I'd been feeling. The past few months have been about this, "letting this be" and figuring myself out. It's been hard at times, but right now I feel like I am in a very good place. My plan is to do more art about my self growth. Now that I've let go of these pressures, I think my art will grow with me.