a reflection on dreams and our little holiday card

Dear friends,

Life continues to be all the things, all at once. The tangle of things is very real. Things are all sorts of complicated and yet they aren’t. I know I sound like some sort of strange yoyo and that’s how I feel at times, but even as I experience the ups and downs I know that I am the thread connecting it all. I also know that while there are many things I cannot control, I can control my reaction ~ in fact, it’s the only thing I can control. And so despite the days that pull me down (and they do exist, trust me), I do what I can to let go and just allow the waves to be, to remind myself that I am not just the wave, but the ocean itself. The wind, the stormy clouds, and also the sun breaking them. This life is but a moment, a simple breath in the cosmos of who-knows-what. Perhaps it’s meaningless or maybe it’s meaningful and some days, probably most, it’s both at the same f-ing time and who knows if we’d even remember anything anyway? What if “remembering” goes both ways?

There is a good chunk of this storybook that was filled with sadness and a lot of worry knots and an equal part that wore that story on my sleeve. Call it self-depreciation or strange self-preservation, but whatever it was, the knot has loosened and I’ve found myself in uncharted territory with bolder and even more audacious dreams than ever before. It’s a bit exhilarating and terrifying, but I no longer hold those sadder stories with the same weight and I am grateful for all of it and what’s yet to come. In fact, I think the best is yet to come. I am also learning that the true magic isn’t when the dream is realized, no, it’s in the transitions and moments leading to it. It’s this internal shift of moving from self-doubt to self-love to relentless faith and what that really means, is trusting myself. This isn’t always easy, but the Universe has a way of helping at times. Most recently this took the form of losing my voice for nearly an entire week due to COVID. It was hella frustrating at the time, but it was in the silence that I was able to get quiet enough to hear an inner whisper of guidance that I had been ignoring. Once I let go of my own resistance to what my intuition was saying, my voice started to return enough for me to work through the problem in earnest.

These holiday reflections are always a little yearbook of sorts, helping me reflect on some of the biggest themes of the year and so while none of this may make sense to anyone reading this, it’s okay. I usually start typing and just let the words take the reflection wherever it’s going to go, but what I wanted to start with, and never quite did, is a thought on dreams.

I used to think that if I let go of the weight of my past, I wouldn’t be able to handle anything to come and therefore self-sabotaged myself into staying small. When asked about my dreams, I’d start with a variation on the examples given. I’d think “well, I could do a version of this dream, but not that one. That one’s too big. Who am I to do that anyway?” But this has been shifting and I’ve started asking myself, “who am I not to”?

While one can’t just “wish” their way into a dream, I do think it starts with that wish because the wishes can lead to thoughts and small actions that could put you on your path. Perhaps you have a lost dream or maybe you haven’t had the space to dream. Whatever the case may be, it’s not too late, too early, or too anything. My wish to you this holiday season (and always, really) is for you to find the spark of whatever lights you up and follow it. Even if (especially!) it’s unknown and a little scary because sometimes the scariest things can actually be the most transformative.

May this meet you wherever you are, may this reflection be a boon for whatever you need, and may your days be filled with bliss (or even moments of it).

Lastly, I hope this little video makes you laugh. This is certainly the silliest of videos we’ve created.

With all of the love. ♥

Kim Tateo