Posts tagged weddings
*Sparkle Partners Forever*
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//

I still remember the cold spring day when I met Brendan. The wind was strong when I noticed him -- deep brown curls blowing in the wind. There was something about him that took my breath away. When I saw him walking towards me (because he was with our mutual friend), fireworks started in my stomach and out of my mouth in the form of a million, rapid-fire questions.

*yes, he was overwhelmed at first*

But then we met a few weeks later and I was a little calmer -- or at least appeared to be on the outside -- but I'm sure my stomach was in knots. It's hard to describe the feeling -- nothing has ever made me as nervous as he had, but at the same time I also felt a certain surety. When I finally worked up the courage to ask for his number, I remember running home and singing to the cats. Hayden laughed.

You see, he was a little quieter than me and I never felt like I could get the words right. I found myself with one-word answers with a certain spaciousness around them.

Me: So what do you like to do?
Him: Walk.
Me: Um, where do you like to walk?
Him: Around.
Me: Well, maybe we could 'walk around' together someday. (inner dialogue: hand-to-head, did that sound stupid!?)

Being the person I am, spaciousness seemed (is) scary, but I learned that it's exactly what I needed. Over the past year, he has given me nothing but *s p a c e* to be myself -- this has been very healing.//

I’ve been wanting to write about the wedding for the past few months, but the other day experienced something to frame it.It was a really rough day for a lot of silly reasons and I spent the better part of it in tears. The mental hamster wheel was spinning. In the past, this self-depreciating, self-worth spiral to hell would last a lot longer and I would be *even* harder on myself -- forget the second arrow, it was more like ten.But this time, there was something different.

I didn't ignore the negative feelings that were coming up, but I didn't let them take over me like they so often do. There was a small, half-fingernail size part of me that fought back. It reminded me of my own self-worth.

Later that night, I caught his eye while he was looking at me. He had just been telling me how pretty I looked and I felt his gaze. It was vulnerable and I felt that nervous-feeling again from those early days.

It was then that I realized that he really does SEE me. Yes, he sees my hair and smile, but he easily sees straight through to that half-fingernail sized part of myself that understands and fights back for my own self-worth.You hear about love at first sight, but to me, meeting Brendan was more of a coming home. Because his seeing me, really allows ME to see and love myself even more. The more this happens, the more *space* there is for playfulness and adventure (which we both happened to mention in our vows ❤).

//

The above are some of my favorite wedding photos, taken by the lovely ladies at BAM Weddings.

Also, here's a little video I made, full of lots of hugs. Making this video was so much fun, because it allowed me to experience the wedding. The actual day itself was a blur, but this let me feel into it all again.

More memories/reflections on our wedding website.

Thank you to everyone who made it and for all of the well-wishes. Big love! ❤ 

only love
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I tried finding a quote to express my gratitude, but I couldn't.

My feelings are hard to put into words; they are a bundle of nerves carried inside this body. A brain capable of stringing too many words together in long sentences. Excitement rushes through me and my fingers click away, but the truth is that there are many ways for me to express this love.

I hope that I am lucky enough to have years upon years to say it simply, to say it softly, and to dance it out.

//
pictured: photos of us on the Williamsburg bridge moments after Brendan proposed! 
not pictured: the little jumping beans that were in my heart the moment it happened (and
YES, I was surprised!), how tired and excited we were because the length of our walk home doubled since I had to stop and kiss him every five seconds, and how hard it was to walk through the apartment quietly when all I really wanted to do was sing and dance and twirl the cats in happiness. 

scenes of summer
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**

It was a lovely summer. Full of friends, celebrations of love, kitty snuggles, kisses, mountain adventures, midnight trains to Montauk, beach days, sparklers (!), and so much more.

Per the usual, I noticed the shifting season at the end of July, but I wasn't as overcome as I usually am with the worry and fear of the fall.I've been painting a bunch and have a whole new series that I can't wait to share. Some of the paintings have been in progress for several months and even still - they aren't quite finished.I was deep into painting tiny little dots with a number 2 long liner, when I had a revelation: Tiny Brush Meditation.

What was (is) missing from many of these are the tiniest of details. When pausing to ask myself if I'd rather have the painting "finished", I reminded myself that I enjoy the process of painting. I love creating, mixing colors, and making little moments. Sometimes I pretend that the little details of white are tiny spirits coming to life.In many ways, this can be translated to my day-to-day life. While I have a grand vision for what I want to be doing and how much I'd like to hold onto moments of happiness and keep them in pretty, little boxes; I know I can't. That there are lots of moments and changes to come. That I can only have some idea of what's in store, but the only thing I can really control is myself.Not to mention, the actual living part of life can be rather enjoyable. When you let it.

*

More photos of summer.